You don't need any more friends

I've been seeing a lot of posts about friendship lately, as many people seem to be setting boundaries and transitioning out of relationships that no longer serve them.

I have done the same, and those posts have given me much needed courage in knowing that I am not alone or wrong in this.

Initially, I felt a lot of hurt over the loss of companionship. Don't get me wrong, there are many people in my life who love and care for me, but they are not here with me, right now. They are scattered across the globe, as we have all taken up our callings to live the lives we are meant to lead. And I am so grateful for that, and them.

But the pain of not having someone to call when I wanted to go out, or even just stay in, was very real. I prayed for a friend to appear. I begged for someone to be there.

I cried many nights for loneliness. I fell into funks when I didn't feel like going out alone anymore. I thought, "There must be something wrong with me. I guess I'm just not a good friend."

I was desperate. Desperate for someone to want to be with me as much as I wanted to be with them.

And then it hit me. 

What I was really desperate for was approval. For someone to tell me that I was good. That I was okay. Because for me, not having friends meant that I was not a desirable person. That there was something in me that was pushing people away.

And that very well may have been. I am not perfect. I am human and I am flawed.

But I am also an outstanding creation. I am a powerful, purposeful, potential-full being. I bring light wherever I go and I carry love in my heart.

I am a good person, whether I have friends or not. 

As are you.

I know now that if I let my light shine, the right people will find me.

And the truth is, I don't need any more friends.

I don't need more people who will help me stay where I am or try to bring me down.

I don't need more people who want to gossip or talk badly about what others are doing.

I don't need more people who aren't interested in change.

I need truth-seekers and deep-thinkers.

I need way-makers and risk-takers.

I need earth-changers and energy-arrangers.

I need people who will help me move forward into the life I want to live. 

And so do you.

Be free

Release your hurt and your anger.

Let go of the ways you feel you've been slighted.

Let go of the things that should have been.

How?

Tell a new story.

Remember that you are mighty.

That you are blessed.

That you are stronger than anything that challenges you.

That there is life running through your veins.

No matter what could have been, this is what is.

But there is power in now.

There is power in YOU.

Be free.

How important is it to be liked?

These two should just about answer that:

Is there something you've chosen not to do because you're worried you won't be liked?

Which would you prefer?

Mac & cheese: a metaphor for life

My favorite kind of mac and cheese is homemade, slow cooked in either a casserole dish or a crock pot.

This is also the most expensive and time-consuming type of mac and cheese to prepare. Plus, once prep is done, there are still hours to wait before it reaches prime cheesy goodness.

But today, that's what I wanted. I decided at 3 p.m., had the ingredients in the crock pot by 5 p.m., and was enjoying delicious mac and cheese by 8 p.m.

What's the point of me telling you all this, other than to make you hungry?

Well, I could have settled for Easy Mac (no prep, minimal cook time).

I could have even gone for Annie's Shells and Aged Cheddar (minimal prep, moderate cook time).

But those just aren't what I wanted. I was craving the wholesome heartiness of homemade.

Sure, if I'd settled, I'd probably still be happy; it's pretty hard not to be when you're eating mac and cheese. But I wouldn't be as happy. And I certainly wouldn't feel as satisfied.

That mac and cheese didn't just fall in my lap, though. (Ouch!) I had to do three things to achieve my maximum melted moment.

Don't should on yourself

should, verb used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions.

I've been working earnestly to remove the word should from my vocabulary and now whenever I hear it, it gives me a very uneasy feeling. 

"I should have eaten better this week."

"You should get a better job."

It just feels icky, right?

Try this instead:

"I could have eaten better this week."

"You could get a better job."

Change one word and reduce your criticism production, whether directed at yourself or others. Give yourself the freedom to make better choices without all the guilt. 

Life is hard enough as it is. Don't should on yourself, too.

Accept this

Lately I've been learning to accept the things I cannot change.

In the past, I did my best to control outcomes: making endless plans, working long hours, reading countless articles.

I even tried to control other people, thinking I could make them different so that they would meet my needs.

And it all worked! Everything turned out exactly as I planned!

No, it didn't.

Life happened. Unexpected emergencies drained me financially; people had their own problems and plans; I still made rookie mistakes no matter how many articles I read.

And then I got tired. I got sick of things going wrong no matter how hard I tried to make them go differently.

I got fed up.

How to be more confident

I have a casting for a fashion show today. That means I'll be showing my walk and my figure to a panel of critical judges and the scrutinizing eyes of my competition.

It's more than a little nerve-racking.

When I first started in this industry, I had zero confidence. Sure, people told me constantly that I could be a model, but I didn't believe it. Those other models had something I didn't and whatever it was, I didn't think I could get it.

Fast forward to today, and though I still wouldn't consider myself an expert (I've got a lot to learn!), I'm much more confident in my ability to rule that runway or rock a photoshoot.

So how did I get here?

1. I learned more about the industry.

My lack of knowledge was the source of a lot of my fears around modeling. So I started reading articles and watching videos on how to walk, how to pose, what to wear to castings, etc. The more I learned, the more the fear started to fade.

How do you start the day?

Do you begin with a sigh as the alarm goes off and you realize it's time to face another day? Do you jump on the phone or computer and immediately start plugging in? Or do you take a moment to acclimate yourself to the day and "let the sunshine in"?

Starting the day with a moment of clarity and calm is one of the easiest ways to improve your attitude and outlook. A 5-minute meditation, a prayer devotion, just 3 deep breaths — all these things can help you set a positive intention for the day, rather than fall victim to whatever state you wake up in.

Then you can check Facebook.

Why write this now?

I'm starting this blog because I've been feeling lonely.

Not lonely in the sense of staring longingly through the window and pining for company or waiting anxiously by the phone hoping it will ring, but lonely in the sense of shifting, shifting out of one era and into another. Lonely in the sense of shedding, releasing the past and looking forward to the future.

I'm finding myself on a path that only I can walk, no longer finding comfort in places I once did. I have been asking for close companionship, for community, and I have it and am finding it, but still not in the form I desire. I'm seeing that I need to "let go and let God" and learn to find ease in this seemingly isolating time.

So here I am creating a space for myself to share all the thoughts that used to spill out over my girlfriends as we passed the time in the apartment we once shared. The thoughts that I know were appreciated, needed, and often echoed as we all tried to figure out our place in this mixed up life.

The thoughts I want to share are thoughts of love, of change, of power. Your power, my power, our power. Our potential to be great and mighty once we clear away the limitations of our beliefs. Our power to create a new life and a new world, to transform everything around us. Our capacity to love ourselves and others beyond anything we've ever experienced on this planet.

I could keep these thoughts bottled up, but I believe now is the time to share. We have forgotten our power and become victims of life and circumstance. We cry out for what we need when what we need is ourselves, to know ourselves and to be free once again.

Thank you for reading. I hope you find something here that blesses your heart.

And remember, you are loved.